3 VERY IMPORTANT IDEAS TO IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

As Nigerians, we are quick to think that mental health issues should concern overtly “mad” persons roaming the streets and their relatives. Have you ever been angry, frustrated, depressed, felt anxious, guilty or ashamed? Then you should realize that issues of mental wellbeing concern us all.

There is a form of treatment of emotional and mental issues called Rational Emotive Therapy (RET). Big name for a small and very useful concept. The first day i heard about it in psychology seminar in 5th year I felt all kinds of things: excited that I have found the cure to my private demons at that time and upset that we didn’t meet much earlier.
The concept is thus: most of our mental tension and stress is caused by how we interprete what happens to us rather than the event in themselves. For instance, if your next door neighbour were to give you a hot slap one cool afternoon, you will feel the heat on your cheek with some redness. 

You may be dazed or begin to see the stars or even collapse depending on the viciousness. Intense as these may be, these would not be the most important of your sorrows. You will feel upset, angry, humiliated and vengeful. These later feelings may persist for years after the heat of the initial slap has faded. They may even move you to take vengeful action worse than the slap.

The above scenerio plays out in different ways in our every day lives. You may get fired from work, fail to pass an exam, find out your spouse is cheating on you or lose a dear possession. How can you improve your reaction to these events and lead a simple clutter free mind?

1. RET works on three false beliefs that we tend to develop partly or fully as we grow in life. First is thatwe must perform well under all circumstances and be approved by everyone. If we do not, we have failed.Thinking in this manner can cause anxiety and panic, even depression. This is especially so for persons who are used to succeeding in their endeavors. The first time a student fails any course or repeats a class can be very traumatic. When these events occur, this faulty reasoning can be challenged and overcome. Thats what others mean when they say ” Give yourself a break”.

2. Another false reasoning pattern is when we feel thatothers must treat us fairly and nicely at all times and if they do not it is bad and we cannot cope.Thus a lady may feel so much anger and hurt when her boyfriend decides to break up even though it was a well thought out decision based on irreconcilable differences in the relationship. We similarly feel hurt or rage when our friends disappoint us or when we are cheated. While these feelings are normal and reactive, they can weigh us down if we allow them to persist. At times like these we challenge these reasoning, recognizing that no one is perfect and we may have even hurt others in the past too.

3. The last false analytic pattern that leaves us vulnerable to emotional stress and tension is whenwe feel that conditions under which we work or exist must be comfortable and tailor made for us and if not we cannot cope and it is is a disaster.This thought process often leads to intolerance, frustration, self pity and decreased energy and performance. It may even cause depression. This faulty premise is particularly evident when there is a change of environment such as a new boss, a new school or teacher, moving to a new city or from the city to the village or change in economic fortunes. While others are busy adapting and making the system work for them, we may be busy whinning and grumbling silently like bad weather. At these times we fail to see that change is a natural process which we were a part of when we grew up from childhood to adulthood and that while all changes may not favor us, it is inevitable The realization that we are acting out a script could give us the emotional pinch required to rouse us into better coping mechanisms.

Overall RET can make each of us mini psychologists. When we become adept at its use, we can save ourselves a lot of stress and bad feeling. We ride out storms that drowned others. More importantly we realize when others are suffering from self imposed fallacious expectations and can offer help.